Infertility

Many of you know that Todd & I struggled with infertility for 4.5 years.  And it was awful.  So the reason why I'm choosing a blog to update you all on is simple, I don't want to be a source of pain for my beloved friends who are still in the trenches of infertility.  I am with you friends, and I consider you my sisters in infertility, and I will never be the same because of my experience.  I don't want you to see this page without wanting to.  I totally understand if you never look at this again, I was there, I know, and it's okay.  I wanted to have a place for my far away friends & family to keep up on this beloved child that I am carrying.  What a miracle, most days I still can't believe it myself, I never thought it would work for me.  I hope that I represent some hope for you and if you ever want me to listen, I am here, and I am passionate about helping & being present for those suffering with infertility. 

Facebook was a very difficult place for me for years, so I had to get off of it to bring more mental health into my life, after noticing that every time I was on it, I was in a fine mood, then after I got off of it, I felt awful, sad, frustrated, and angry.

To recap a short version of our journey (this is for you to know if you'd like, but also for me to remember the crazy road we walked for so long---it was kinda a long drawn out nightmare). We starting "trying" to get pregnant in May 2008 and we started hopeful.  Then came November 2009 (after 1.5 years) I was starting to think it wouldn't be easy for us, so my OB/GYN referred me to Dr. Walmar at the Duke Fertility Clinic.  We started off with just medications--like clomid to increase the eggs that I would produce. I also started seeing a nutritionist and acupuncturist.  To try different routes of improving overall health.  I did a HSG procedure---which is where they take x-rays of your fallopian tubes while spraying blue dye to see if everything is flowing.  I then did a 3 hour glucose test to see if I had insulin resistance.  Everything was good.

So after a year of the less invasive route in IF treatment, we started kicking it up.  I did 3 rounds of IUI (intrauterine Insemination) and all failed.  Then we started IVF September 2011, BFN (big freaking negative) October 17, 2011.  Second round of IVF with embryos that were frozen (FET-frozen embryo transfer) ended December 22, 2011 with another BFN just 3 days before Christmas--that was by far our worst Christmas of our lives. Then February 17, 2012 I had an elective gynecological surgery to see why we weren't getting pregnant (they never really know until they go in there and see).  They found slight endometriosis, and fixed my slightly dipped uterus (not straight on the top), but found no real cause for infertility (IF).  Again super annoying to be in the "unexplained infertility" category.

So back to IVF we went, our third round which of course ended in a BFN on May 24 when Todd was in the Middle East, that was many days filled with tears, thank God for my friends who came to be with me in the suck, cry with me, and love me when I was so very sad.  Thank God for Griff who was that friend to Todd in the Middle East. 

*I feel like the majority of the population does not know what IVF really means, I would love to be apart of educating more people about it.  So if you don't know what IVF entails and would like to I'd be happy to educate you on all those 3 letters mean---shots (sometimes 4/day, vaginal ultrasounds, 2inch needle shots in your butt 2/day, etc), it's not easy or for the faint at heart*

I took the summer off of IF treatment because I was exhausted an tired of being sad and angry.  It was a good summer, then we went back to Duke Fertility Clinic (DFC).  It was a shock to find that Dr. Walmar was leaving.  So in August, after Monika's urging I saw the new head of the clinic who had an amazing resume, Dr. Mausher.  He said in his thick Jordanian accent, at our first meeting that my "embryos no good."  Monika was there with me at the appointment--I was a little frustrated that my embryos that I worked so hard on, were the reason that I wasn't getting pregnant.  So he encouraged us to start a fresh round of IVF, I went home and talked with Todd and he was on board--- I was a little shocked.  Dr. Mausher's approach is "less is more," to use less medications, have less embryos produced that are of higher quality.  So on September 19 I had my 3rd surgery to retrieve embryos, we transferred them on September 22--fall equinox, and found out on October 5th 2012 we were pregnant for the first time ever.

THE JOY.  Oh my gosh, the Joy, we just cried and cried and cried.  We couldn't believe it, was it really over?  We've been celebrating and partying ever since that day.  This Mababy has been loved, thought of, prayed for, and celebrated so much in it's 18.5 weeks in my uterus.

I wanted to say a huge thank you to our friends-you know who you are.  There are too many awesome friends to list, we simply could NOT have survived IF without you, we'd be locked up somewhere if it weren't for your: meals, visits, calls, cards, texts, flowers, B&J, sharing tears & anger with us, hugs, writing us a song, drawing us art, but most of all your unconditional love you poured onto us in some of the most dark, sad, and lonely days on this earth for us. You were Christ to us when we needed it the most and you weren't scared of our anger or pain, because it was yours too. You carried our burden which is what I believe we are called to do as Christians.  I can not thank you enough, words simply don't cover the depth of our gratitude.  Thank you from the bottom of my FULL uterus. This baby is all of our gift--of light, hope, and love for this world.

So speeding forward to this week I got an awesome gift from our dear friend Monika, a shirt that she made online, and I love it.  I will wear it with pride and hopefully it will help the "Lauras" out there who have such a hard time seeing pregnant bellies--they will know that my story was one with heartache, struggle, and pain.

*It is PG-13 for those of you who are offended by swearing, well don't read my shirt* 




 
Yes, together we kicked infertility's stupid ass!