Resurrection- New Life

Easter has been hard for me for the last 5 years.  In the beginning of Lent, I always would think about remembering -our death, brokenness, and places that are suffering-the things we are supposed to be reminded of on Ash Wednesday and the 40 days through Lent.  But on Resurrection Sunday, I would always be so sad and disappointed that new life did not happen within my body. It was still broken and suffering.  I always felt as though nothing changed.  I always had many pregnant friends around me and craved to have the new life growing in me like it was in them.  . .

This year, my friends it is.  I can't believe it.  This is the happiest Easter I can remember in my life.  When I got up this morning, after looking in Monika's room, I couldn't stop crying-tears of JOY, excitement, hope, love . . . I am having a baby.  I decided to wear water-proof mascara because instead of crying a lot on Easter like I have the last few, this year was so different--it was tears of intense joy. What started it all was I took a picture of this glorious drawing from Stevie, our dear friend's Tony & Angie son and texted it to friends.

I framed it yesterday because we are hanging things in the nursery tonight, super exciting. Stevie drew this picture-when he found out we were having a girl named Monika and that's all Tony & Angie said. I feel like Stevie is a prophet and he's only 5--he must have great parents ey?  In the drawing, Todd is holding up Monika straight over his head like Simba in Lion King and I am next to them.  You can sense the joy, the excitement, and the feeling of "YES! WE DID IT" in the drawing.  I love this drawing. It started the tears of joy this Resurrection morning.

 Then at church, the joy was present. Monika had hiccups for 5 minutes during the sermon and all I could do was smile and put my hand over where I felt them.  What a joy was I all could think.  Last Easter I never ever thought I'd be here this Easter.  New life inside of me and it is such a glorious gift.  Then my friend Sarah was sitting next to me and while my eyes were closed for prayer I felt her son, who was on her lap, Henry, touch my belly.  I opened my eyes and he said "Baby? Baby!" and smiled.  Yes, sweet Henry, there is a baby, I can't believe it either.


Todd and I are now putting nursery furniture together and it's so much fun.  But I'll post more when it's done.  I know I'm super behind on blogging.  So first, this week, on Tuesday, March 25, Heather Marie, popped in for a visit . . .

she got to feel Monika Marie for the first time with the flash light trick.  She got to see and tour our house and I made her a latte. It was awesome.

This is the last picture update Tuesday March 19, 28 weeks.  (i'm 2 weeks behind I know) And Monika is the size of a Chinese Cabbage, 2.25 lbs, and 14.8 inches long.

 

Thursday March 21 through Monday March 25, I flew to Chicago.  My mom & sister through me a baby shower on Saturday March 23.   I got to hang with my family for 2 days and go wedding dress shopping with my sister! YEAH! She's engaged! We are so excited, congrats Becky & Paul!  I'll post more pictures from the shower when I get them.

 And I got to visit Maggie & her 2 children.  Above is Mags & I at the Easter egg hunt at Morgan's preschool--it was 30 degrees, yikes!

Here is Morgan, with her face painted, me, and Maggie's son Logan.  I love the Berg children! I had so much fun with them. 

More later.

Infertility Changes You

I was talking with my dear friend Monika and I told her it's like at least 5-10 times a day that something happens where I'm reminded that "oh my goodness, I'm pregnant, is this really happening?  pinch pinch"  Infertility Changes you forever.

So I am walking through the Kohl's kitchen section looking for an oven mitt and other things for our new home, and bam this is what I see . . .

right there in the normal kitchen section, not in kids section, but next to pots & pans.  And I almost lost it right there in the aisle.  A kid plate.  A super cute kid plate.  And for the first time I can remember, I was so excited about it and thought, awe Monika Marie would love a plate like that to eat off for meals.  Whereas a year ago, I would have gotten so sad, and would have left the store thinking there were no safe zones for infertiles to shop anymore.  It would have made me grieve even more for this child that we want so badly but can't seem to have.  But now, I'm full of joy and excitement.  Nothing changed in Kohls, but something majorly changed in my uterus to make me feel so differently about this encounter.

So as I'm walking away fighting tears, I walk past the maternity section which is right next to the baby/kid clothes section---and I enter.  Why? Because I can now.  It feels crazy weird to enter and not be so sad that I don't fit in.  I enter because I want to embrace all of it, all of the joy, and look at all of the cute baby clothes that I simply couldn't bare to look at before.  All of the places, sections, people, and holidays that I avoided because the pain was to great to bare.  And then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see my baby belly and now the tears are falling.  I can't stop them now. Because it's true, I am pregnant.  It wasn't a dream.  Infertility was a long drawn out nightmare.  But being pregnant is a dream come true.  I can see this plate, look at babies clothes and not be thrust into the depths of despair afterwards.

I also started pre-natal yoga class 2 weeks ago, my friend Megan Pardue's friend Joy is an instructor at this yoga studio, so she told me about it.  And I love it.  But my first class was surreal again because here I am in a room with 25 other pregnant women--talking about their babies, due dates, and how far along they are----and I'm like "do I belong here? am I in the wrong yoga class? am I really pregnant?" Because a year ago, I would have steared so far away from this place and totally been so envious that they were pregnant and I just couldn't be.  So I looked down at my tummy and took a deep breath and thought, yes, Laura you belong now.  I was filled with gratitude.  And JOY.

These are just a few examples of how my life is so different because of infertility.  I think differently, see things differently, and love being pregnant so much.  Because any pregnant symtom is so much better than the pain and anguish (not to mention shots, surgeries, appts, and meds + side effects) of infertility.  

So here we are 27 weeks on Tuesday March 12, at 7 months pregnant.  Monika is the size of a head of cauliflower, 2lbs, and 14.5 inches long. 

And here are some more house pictures.

Front of our house

Living Room

Kitchen

Laundry Room--it's behind closed doors in the Kitchen

 Oh and Tony, Angie, Steve, and Mariem came to visit this weekend and here are some pictures from the fun we had. 

Mariem with her train conductor hat on

Stevie with his train conductor hat on at the restaurant

Mariem with her mushy face, GOSH isn't she the cutest?

 That's it for now.

Maberry-Side Baby Shower

So much to blog, so little time.  This past weekend- March 8th, we had the Maberry family baby shower in Sterling, IL.  Many of Todd's family were able to come celebrate with us.  My family was also able to drive there-it's only about 2 hours away from my family.  So here are some pictures from the party.  A big THANK YOU to Nicole, Stacey, & Mom for hosting the party and making it all happen, it was lovely.

my dad-Curt, my mom Anita, todd, me, sister-Becky

Todd's mom-Joy, sister-Nicole, Todd, me, sister-Stacey

todd, me, stacey kissing Monika, Alex her son, Aunt Lil, cousin Melissa, Aunt Linda, cousin Dana

aunt Kathy, Uncle Dennis, Uncle Chuck, Aunt Alice, todd, me, cousin Brenda, Aunt Fernita

todd, Grandma Hadley, me, Mom

Todd getting good-bye kisses from Ernie's son Eli--so sweet!

cousin Laura, todd, friends-Ernie, Eli, me, Sarah, cousins-Olivia, Bailey, 

Front-Connor, Faith, Grant

Mom Maberry drove us from her home in Iowa to Sterling and back.  It was very sweet of her. It made for a lot less driving for us and was nice to spend more time with her.


Here we are last week at 26 weeks-Monika Marie is the size of a English Hothouse Cucumber (weird name), 14 inches long and 1.67lbs. I am sporting my lovely infinity scarf made with love by my sweet friend Rachel Nafis. I had my glucose test last week and passed, yeah!

Many of you have asked for more pictures of our house, so here are some rooms that are done:

Our bedroom

our bedroom patio deck

our closet

our bathroom

upstairs guest bathroom

upstairs guest room and bonus/play room

 More pictures of the rest of the house maybe next week. 

We've Moved (again)

Happy March!  We moved last weekend Friday February 22-Saturday February 23, after the biggest snow storm in over a 100 years here in Kansas City.  We got 1 foot of snow.  And this past Tuesday we got another 8 inches.  It's been kinda crazy, but we somehow managed.

My sister & mom were going to fly in on Thursday night, but the airport was closed all day and part of Friday.  My brother works for Southwest, so he was able to fly out on the first flight Friday afternoon in the cock-pit.  We didn't have a shovel, so we went to the store, and guess what?  Yup, they were plum out.

Todd hired a person to plow our driveway, but he never showed, so we bought these small shovels that collapse to fit in your car.  The only thing to buy that was shovel-like. It was going to take Steve & Todd hours to shovel one foot of heavy snow off our driveway with 2 of those small shovels, but thankfully out next door neighbor saw them trying & lent them his big shovels & salt.  Our neighbor Eric, saved the day.  So we could go to our storage unit, empty it, and do one load with the Uhaul on Friday, so Saturday we could move out of our loft. 

here is my brother -Steve, sister-Becky, and Mom who helped us all weekend long moving, unpacking, & doing projects for the house-THANK YOU!

Taken from our bedroom on the second snowstorm on Tuesday Feb 26, it was BEAUTIFUL.  It stuck on the trees and created a winter wonder land

Hopefully our 3rd and final place to take our weekly pregnancy pictures- at our new home in KCMO. Here's Monika Marie at 25 weeks, she's the size of a rutabage. She's 13.5 inches long and 1.5 lbs.