National Infertility Awareness Week April 21-27, 2013

This week, April 21-27, 2013 is Infertility Awareness Week.  Everyone, and I do mean everyone, knows someone who struggles(ed) with infertility, there are over 7 million Americans.  So, as you all know I'm super passionate about speaking out about infertility and helping those who are currently in the thick of it.

Here is a great article about infertility etiquette so you aren't that person who says the wrong thing, but I do believe that everyone can learn to be more compassionate and how to show mercy to those who need it the most.

I love this quote from the article, "The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal."

Or you can go to Resolve website and find out more.  If you ever have questions or want advice on how to help a friend who is struggling, please-please-please email me or call and I'd LOVE to help you. 

Here we are 33 weeks pregnant and Monika is the size of a Pineapple, over 4lbs and 17 inches long.

Here is a video of our nephew Alex.  Stacey (Todd's sister), her sons, AJ & Alex were here visiting 2 weeks ago.  This is him saying no by shaking his head, so cute.

We had a blast with Kevin & Julie and their sweet son, Rowan this past weekend. They were here Thursday April 18 through Monday April 22. 

Rowan was awesome at dinner, look at those blue eyes

all of us wishing Justin Trogdon a Happy Birthday!

bonding with Rowan, gosh I love him

walking around downtown in the River Market

On Sunday at Loose Park where we walked around, played catch & napped.  There was a random guy that had a boa so he let me hold it & Rowan got to feel what a snake feels like

Liberty Memorial on Friday, it was freezing!

Thanks Kevin, Julie, & Rowan for coming to visit us from beautiful California, and having to deal with our crappy weather & wind.  Certainly not a perfect 70 degrees and sunny like it is in Ventura, so sad.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Kushner

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Some people ask me what were things that I read (that helped) during failed IVF after failed IVF, and my answer will always be, this book.

My dear friend Peggy, endured more heartache of infertility and child loss, than I have ever, ever heard, and this was her recommendation.  So Todd & I both read it asap and it helped us so much.  I highly recommend it to anyone who is suffering and wonders "why?" Thank you Peggy for helping us not lose our minds or our faith during the gut-wrenching process we were in.   THANK YOU PEGGY, you are my shero!

I read this last March shortly after my 2nd surgery and after our second failed IVF, and I will say, I grieved so much differently with our 3rd failed IVF, having read this book.  I was angry at God, like I had been so much before, but rather, I felt that he was with me and was grieving too.  And that these things happen because of our free will, if God controlled every single thing--nothing bad would ever happend, but then we'd be robots without choice. And at a cellular level, something wasn't working for our embryos, God didn't cause it to happen, nor did he "do it to us" to teach us something, but had nothing to teach my 15 yr old neighbor who was pregnant.  It really helped me break down some not healthy theology that I felt sometimes was implied by others to us.

Totally shifting gears here, this is week 32! Can you believe it?  Monika is roughly 3.75lbs and 16.7 inches long, the size of a jicama (which is a veggie I've never heard of or eaten I'm pretty sure).

  And now for some (okay a lot, I narrowed it down from 300) maternity pictures from Krista Lucas.  After I load these, I'm off to pick up Kevin, Julie, and Rowan from the airport, YEAH!

my friend, Richelle, said it looks like Rosa Parks behind me is smiling with delight

Dr. King, we had a dream too . . .

KCMO skyline

belly shadow? yup. that's awesome

todd being silly, of course

power and light at night

our photographer, Krista Lucas, she did amazing job, it was so fun and was such a great visit!

Comfort in and dumping out

Infertility is hard for everyone.  But mostly for the inner circle people- meaning the person it's happening to and those closest to them.  I had some unhelpful things said to me over the many years of infertility and most of the time I tried correcting the person, by telling them "that wasn't helpful, what you said." In hopes that they wouldn't say it to the next IF person they meet. 

This is the article  How not to say the wrong thing  my dear IF friend sent to me, and I thought it was really helpful, so I wanted to share.

I know we have all screwed up and said the wrong things to people, and dumped in instead of comforting.  But I'm a huge advocate for change and making the world a better, more loving place.  So I'm working on me, I hope you'll join me in this quest. 

Here is the map to help illustrate their point. The author goes on to say, "Don't just avoid dumping into the center ring, avoid dumping into any ring smaller than your own." 

Well, here we are today, Tuesday April 9th, 2013 at 31 weeks.  Monika is roughly 3.3lbs and 16 inches long (wow!) and is the size of about 4 navel oranges.  We had our 2nd of 5 birthing classes tonight. It still feels like a dream that we are going to be having a baby in 9ish weeks.

Maternity Pictures? Really?

This week, my sweet, dear friend, Krista Lucas flew in from LA to visit us and  . . . to take maternity pictures for us.  What???  Are you serious?  I can't believe it either.  It felt like a dream.  For years I've seen Krista's work (she's an awesome photographer--you can check out her blogs located to the left on this page) and many have been maternity, birth, or newborns pictures.  All of which I didn't think I would ever participate in.     Ever.

But this past Friday, April 5th, another dream came true for us.  We took lovely pictures of my ever growing belly that houses our beautiful baby girl Monika.  We took pictures EVERYWHERE in KCMO, but you'll have to wait in anticipation with us, since Krista just flew home today and will work on editing them this week, so maybe in 2 weeks I'll post some photos.  We can't believe we are entering week 31. We are so full of joy. 

It was awesome to walk around downtown KCMO and take pictures together with Monika in-utero. Oh the joy.  It was easy to smile in these pictures because all there is is joy.  Thank you Krista for coming and blessing us with your photographic skills and making your fantasy (Krista said she's waiting so very long for this day to come) and ours come true of actually being people in your photographs who are pregnant.

Some people at our church threw us a baby shower last night too, so Krista got to go to that, which was so fun.  Thank you Ellen & Kelly for throwing it for us.  I'll post pictures of that when I get them.

Here are some pictures with my siblings when I was in Chicago 2 weeks ago.

my brother, Steve and me

my sister, Becky, and me doing silly belly shots

Paul-my soon to be Brother in Law and Becky-engaged & happy!

Steve & I doing silly belly photos

Becky & me

Here is last week Tuesday, March 26th (I'm catching up) 29 weeks, our butternut squash, weighing 2.5lbs and 15 inches long.

And some more pictures from my chicago shower with the Martinson family . . .

my mom has been very busy crocheting a christening dress & hat for Monika, awe so sweet!

Maggie & me---I'm in her dress that she wore for her first baby shower :-) she saved it for me.

Maggie doing an awesome job with the presents--it was felt just like my bridal shower--Maggie handing them to me and Becky writing down the gifts, just a 10 yr lapse of time.  I said the whole "if you break the ribbons of the gifts that's how many kids you'll have" is crap.  I broke all the ribbons at my bridal showers :-)

Here is this week-- Tuesday, April 2, 2013 . . . 30 WEEKS!  Yes!  Monika is 15.7 inches long and 3lbs, like the size of a head of cabbage.