I won't give up

I've found that music is so helpful in life.  It really can describe your mood.  Sometimes I feel like listening to some jazz music by Coltrane or Thelonious Monk or Miles Davis to chill me out when I'm stressed.  Sometimes I need up beat music when I'm working out to inspire me.  But over the years of infertility I needed someone to encourage me along the way.  Jason Mraz was the musician for me.  I listened to Details in the Fabric countless time to match my sadness and despair, but also to work through and heal.

My dear friend, Megan Pardue, made me a card with a hanger on it that said "Hang On," til this day I have it on my dresser to remind me that there were days that I could only do just that--hang on for one more disappointment, and to take one day at a time.  It also reminds me to be with those who feel that way today. Jason also says it in this song Details in the Fabric, here are the lyrics:

Calm down, Deep breaths, And get yourself dressed, Instead of running around, And pulling all your threads, And breaking yourself up
If it's a broken part, replace it, If it's a broken arm then brace it, If it's a broken heart then face it.
And hold your own, Know your name, And go your own way.
Hold your own, Know your own name, And go your own way, And everything will be fine.
Hang on, Help is on the way, And stay strong I'm doing everything.
Hold your own, Know your name, And go your own way.



Last spring he came up with a new album called Love is a Four Letter Word.  I of course bought it-early release and listened to it all the time, and thankfully it was the right time.  During that time we had our 3rd failed IVF, and his song I won't Give up, and Living in the Moment both really encouraged me to not give up and "I will not live life facing backwards" and "to remind you every minute of the future isn't written."

Here is his video:
I Won't Give Up Video by Jason Mraz

Whatever helps you heal and tolerate the pain of suffering.  Jason Mraz's music was a gift to me.  Here's a picture of me and my dear friend, Richelle, at his concert on August 19, 2012--exactly 1 month before my retrieval surgery. Man did it help my mental health.

Here we are last week at 21 weeks.  Monika is moving a lot these days.  This friday we go in for our next OB appt.